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God Hates Mobile Homes
God Hates Mobile Homes OK, are anyone else's prayers going unanswered? I only ask because I've noticed a conspicuous shortage of natural disasters of late. As usual, I read the newspaper today, but one noticeable difference leapt out at me. There wasn't even one account of a mobile home skewered by a telephone pole, floating lazily down a storm-flooded river, tossed end-over-end for a country mile or microwaved to a golden brown (silver) by a well-placed lightning bolt. Not that this is necessarily a bad thing, of course, but according to my past observations this could mean that God is taking a vacation, and as a result, may not be answering prayers as well. This is actually good news for mobile home dwellers, since they usually seem to bear the brunt of His wrath. That's right, I'm suggesting that God hates mobile homes. How did I come up with this concept, you may ask? Well the evidence seems pretty compelling, based on Mother Nature's track record, that God actually hates mobile homes and is making a sporadic, yet determined effort to wipe them out, bringing His entire arsenal into play. He doesn't seem to pursue this pet project on a full-time basis, though. Perhaps He's just distracted by more pressing matters from time to time, like our constant international squabbling and destruction of our atmosphere, and it takes awhile to get back to the "cleansing of the landscape." Think about it - whenever a natural disaster strikes, what can you be sure to see? Trashed mobile home parks. Mobile homes in trees. Mobile homes (singular) spread over unusually large expanses of real estate. In most cases it appears that a giant-sized infant had one doozy of a temper tantrum and threw all his toys as far and as hard as possible. And why not? Let's look at if from another (more distant) perspective. OK, you're God and you've just finished creating the Universe and down on Earth, a beautiful green, lush planet, you've created an experiment (us) and you check in from time to time just to see how we're taking care of your investment. One day you look down and notice something ugly - and it's moving. Upon closer inspection it appears to be some kind of metal contraption on wheels being towed by another of our little inventions. You think maybe it was a mistake of some kind and we're towing it away to destroy it, so you continue to observe. As it comes to the end of its journey you are horrified to see it's not being towed away for demolition at all, but rather to join dozens more of equally unattractive little metal 'horrors' - and it seems people are actually living in them. Before long they're springing up all over the Earth like a plague of locusts (which is starting to sound like a really good idea right about now). What do you do? You can't ignore it, because it's sort of like a rusted-out Edsel parked on your lawn in a high rent neighborhood - it irritates the living hell out of you on a daily basis - and besides - neighbors (from other planets) can see this crap in your yard too (how embarrassing), so it's not just you that has to put up with this eyesore, it's a cosmic disgrace! You could always just have another "flood" and clean the whole mess up again, but you "promised" not to do that (drat!). However... You never said anything about occasional 'yard work' in that contract, so that leaves some other less thorough options. Lightning, Tornadoes, Hurricanes, Floods, Earthquakes - these all work on a spot-removal sort of principal. They all take out mobile homes like a heaven-sent leafblower - and it's kind of fun to watch. It's actually quite impressive how far a mobile home can be launched by Mother Nature. A mobile home impaled on a tree is actually a fairly comical sight, provided you're not inside it at the time. OK, maybe I've got a warped sense of humor - but it's all mine, and it's not stuck in a tree. And as long as we're going to appreciate out-of-context art, a mobile home floating down a river is a fairly amusing sight as well, to say nothing of one teetering on the edge of a crevasse recently created by a nice punchy 7.5 earthquake. I'm partial to the sight of several mobile homes all clumped together after tangling with one of those highly effective Midwest twisters, myself. I remain convinced that this is God's effort to wipe this revolting aluminum blight from the face of the earth, and the only reason anything else is ever damaged is because it just happens to be in the line of fire (sometimes I think God takes the shotgun approach). After all, wiping out a nursery school or a hospital is a small price to pay in the overall scheme of things if one more mobile home park is nuked in the process, isn't it? This isn't really a discussion on theology or philosophy and I'm no theologian, but here's a little free advice: If you want to avoid catastrophe, stay away from mobile homes. If you live near one - move! And if you own one, do the rest of us a favor and move it to Siberia. © December 8, 1995 Warren P. Harris (politically incorrect at any cost) http://www.warrenharris.net/mobile.html Nov 21 05 12:11 am Link Wildcat Photography wrote: More correctly that deity hates mobile home parks....not specific homes by themselves. Nov 21 05 12:20 am Link They are 'Mobile' Homes, so it never surprises me when I see them floating down the river or flying though the air. They were not designed to stay in one place, so I dont think God has anything to do with it. Nov 21 05 12:21 am Link Wildcat Photography wrote: Are we talkin about 'Mother Nature' here, or are we talkin about 'God'? I'm sure there are some here that might visualize her as someone who does NOT take her 'marching orders' from him... Nov 21 05 08:23 am Link The politically correct term is now "pre-fabricated housing." (Oy...) Regardless of whether or not God or Mother Nature hates this form of housing has nothing to do with the fact that people continue to buy into them and place them in areas where they are the most easily eliminated. Another one for my Bad Things Happen to Stupid People category. Now if only a certain person I know whose family produces all these pre-fabricated dwellings would only go public... Nov 21 05 08:28 am Link For your information: Mobile Homes built and set up before 1992, were under almost no regulation as far as set up goes, thus not tied down properly or at all. The ones you see blown away are those. Recently in the hurricane in Florida the only homes left standing in an area were several manufactured homes set after 1992, and site constructed homes less than a mile away were flattened. Nov 21 05 08:34 am Link Wildcat Photography wrote: You see it because the news media brought it to you. It makes good video...it's a given. On a slow news day they actually take a fleet of mobile homes out to a desolate area...trash them...film it, and wahla... "a twister hit this trailer park in the middle of the night without warning, film at 11..." Nov 21 05 08:38 am Link Mayanlee wrote: "modular homes" is the term for the florida retirees....i watched a home depot employee almost get his ass beat from some little old man because he kept using the term "mobile home" and "mobile home park".... Nov 21 05 08:40 am Link Doug, I stand corrected... Heck... you would know... you're in FL... Nov 21 05 08:47 am Link Mayanlee wrote: you learn quick if your looking at a "beat down" from an 80 year old man.... Nov 21 05 08:53 am Link as a former Rabbi, i can say with supreme authority, the Lord ur God does not hate mobile homes...now sin is another issue. Nov 21 05 08:55 am Link The newest mobile/ modular/ trailer park artifact on the market is the "Tornado Magnet 2000" and she is a real beauty! The airbags on the kitchen sink are optional but worth the extra money - you know, in case Auntie Em is doin' the dishes when it hits. Personally I think there's something about all that aluminum sitting in one spot that does indeed draw tornadoes. (OMG - I'm having a Dan Quayle moment, is there or is there not an "e" on the end of tornado when it is plural?) Additionally, and at not extra cost to the reader, these words of country wisdom. "You might be a redneck if your house is on wheels and your car on blocks". "You might be a redneck if you have to rotate the tires on your home". Nov 21 05 09:24 am Link Dreams To Keep wrote: I think its *i* before*e* except after *c* but then that rule goes out the friggin' door with the word *ice* (I know this has nothing to do with anything but my mind is filled with random thoughts and I also want to get my post counts up) Nov 21 05 09:34 am Link This header reminded me of an episode of "WKRP in Cincinnati" (I hope I'm not the only one old enough to remember that show) when they had a tornado hit. Johnny Fever said the same thing. Nov 21 05 12:35 pm Link Nov 21 05 01:26 pm Link Bill Sylvester wrote: LMAO....Amen!!! Nov 21 05 02:04 pm Link As a Pope of the Discordian Church, I can explain this easily using a metaphor: Wiping out mobile home parks is Eris's version of computer solitaire. You know how when you just can't muster up the gumption to do whatever it is you're *supposed* to be doing, you call up solitaire (or minesweeper, or bejeweled, or whatever?) Just to sort of fill in a little time until it's time for lunch or to go home or until you get a call or something sort of kickstarts you back into your actual job? Well, that happens to Our Lady as well. And what She does when She's bored and doesn't want to get on with things is take target practice with mobile home parks. Why they are so offensive to Her, I couldn't begin to speculate. Well, I could, but I'd never be stopping, so I won't. If you believe in the Judeo-Christian-Muslim God, the same theory may be applied: just change the names and pronouns. M Nov 21 05 03:52 pm Link population control...  Nov 21 05 08:46 pm Link Bill Sylvester wrote: Excellent Bill! Nov 22 05 08:07 pm Link Get ready! Tornado season is upon us. The worst single tornado in US history was the Tri-State Tornado, 695+ lives lost on the tornado's 219 mile death march starting in Missouri, going through Illinois, and on into Indiana on March 18, 1925. http://www.geocities.com/heartland/7847/tornado2.htm  And then there was the Super Outbreak, 148 tornados in 13 states from one storm on April 3, 1974, 315+ lives lost. http://www.april31974.com/  Mar 10 06 02:45 am Link |
