I've been struggling with how to take a picture that tells a story.  Here are two versions of my first attempt.  I'd be interested thoughts on the photos in general, as well as which one is better.

The model is Alex Daria

https://www.modelmayhem.com/519341

She's also my Avatar.

umm she is reading a catalog on your 'studio' setup wearin her p.j. ...
Im guessin.. doesnt say much at all...

I like the first image.  Alex is looking at a catalogue of lingerie similar to what she is wearing.

Very nice looking model.

If you want to tell a story then you need the actors to be interacting with the elements of the picture which contextualize the story. If the actor is obviously interacting with the photographer then it will tell a different story than if they are interacting with a prop (looking at the book) - the first pic says "woman choosing xmas pressies".

The second picture really says "model in a studio"- not a bad thing in itself but not what you were aiming for.

I actually quite like both pictures so "better" is entirely subjective and dependent on your intention. Both are nice.

A set or location would help. An old chair with some character to it would help. The empty studio backdrop is not helping you tell a story.